


taken for a ride

by bluhen



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, loosely based on velder academy, not really slowburn but you know how it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 05:44:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17360147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluhen/pseuds/bluhen
Summary: the super cheesy, super self-indulgent high school au that no one asked for but me. aka, Ciel Sourcream Has Many Problems, And A Lot Of Them Are A Boy.





	taken for a ride

**Author's Note:**

> please dont kill me if this is inaccurate to the high school experience or the experience in general im gay and a dropout

Ciel Sourcream never really had a last name, but was forced to have one in order to enroll in Velder Academy, and took on Lu's at her insistence.

Ciel Sourcream is a tender eighteen years old, and yet feels he has the responsibilities and trauma of one twelve years his elder.

Ciel Sourcream is also absolutely, miserably _hopeless_.

He was rather mature, he thought. He took care of Lu on his own, he could bake and cook well, he was good at problem solving and managing tough situations. All in all, he was probably more like an adult than anyone around his age. And yet.

 _And yet_. There was a problem. And as teenage problems are prone to be, this problem was a boy.

No, no, the problem was not the boy himself. The problem was not his supposed feelings towards the boy. The problem was how _distracting_ the boy was.

He had his own issues to take care of! Plenty of _non_ -issues to take care of! He didn't need this burning curiosity about the rumors surrounding the boy. Or how those rumors sounded agonizingly similar to his own past, or whether they were true or not, or _what the hell was under that guys bandages_?

And yet. The problem has persisted, ever since he first saw the boy named Raven Cronwell in the entrance ceremony. Lu decided to call it a crush, when it was _definitely not that_. She didn't care in the slightest about Ciel's protests, of course.

The important thing about today was that it was the day he was going to talk to him. Ciel knew firsthand how incredibly baseless rumors could be and often were. He wasn't going to make any headway on getting to know more about the other boy through whispers behind backs.

Which brings him to today, where he has put extra care into the batch of cookies he's made, and no small amount of hope as well. He is going to give them to Raven Cronwell, and it is going to go _fine_ , thank you very much.

“Here, I'm giving them to everyone, so you take one too.”

Raven barely glances up at the boy above him. “Hm? Why me?”

“C'mon, these are the last ones anyway, so I'll have to eat them by myself if you don't take them, and that's no fun.”

Raven raises his eyebrows briefly, but takes the small bag from him anyway. Ciel smiles at this.

He finally lifts his head up when Ciel pulls a chair out from the other side of the lunch table and sits down with him.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, I'd like to have my lunch, if that's not a problem with you.”

“And you have to sit next to me… why?”

Ciel swallows thickly. He was worried about Raven finding it strange or creepy. “I… wanted to talk to you.”

Raven stares at him for a moment, then scrapes at the tray of his own food for a moment before speaking.

“What do you want?” He says plainly, without bothering to look at Ciel as he says it. Right, so, not off to a _wonderful_ start, but… at least he's talking.

“I don’t know… Anything! It doesn't seem like many people come see you, so, uh…” Crap, that was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it? “I wanted to get to know you.”

“...So, you're saying you think I'm just as strange as everyone else does.” Ravens hands pause in the ministrations he’d been doing.

“No! Not at all!” Ciel defends, all too quickly. “God, I'd be a terrible hypocrite if I thought that. Everyone… Uh, everyone thinks I'm a real freak too.”

Raven scoffs. “As if it's anything like my history.”

Ciel stiffens. Did Raven not know about everything that had happened…? He… honestly isn't sure if he _wants_ Raven to know, maybe he would think he was some kind of terrible brute, or, or a cruel sadist, or…

No, no, Raven wasn't like that. Especially since he has his own reputation behind him. Besides… Ciel decides that letting Raven know he's not alone is more important right now than his reputation.

“I don't exactly have a shining past either, you know.” He says, and hopes to everything holy that it won't ruin everything.

“...What's that supposed to mean?” Ravens gaze shifts to Ciel's face again, which does _not_ help his anxiety.

“I mean… people know you for your past. I've… run away from mine, but I'm sure a good bit of people at this school know about it.”

“...Mm.” Raven looks back to the table. “Alright.”

...Alright? What did thatー

“Still, why would you want to know me?” Raven asks.

Ciel takes a slow, deep breath. “Do I need a reason?”

Raven seems almost shocked at this. Why, Ciel couldn't imagine, as it probably just came off as an excuse, but… Still, Raven hasn't yet responded, as if he's taking a while to think about itーwas it really that much to him? Was it weird of him to say? Oh, this was terrible.

“There's nothing interesting about me to know. You're better off spending your time elsewhere.”

Ciel blinks. Clears his mind. “I doubt that.”

Raven doesn't respond, but he doesn't seem to be fighting Ciel's staying there, either. Ciel decides to leave him be for now. They both rush to finish off their food before the bell rings.

When it eventually does, Ciel braces himself, and asks Raven where he can meet him.

“...Hm? I… You wouldn't want to spend too much time around me. You'll get a bad look.”

And with that, he leaves, and Ciel calls a goodbye to him, but he's not sure if it gets through.

Either way, he later spots Raven after school lets out and everyone is waiting for their bus, or what have you. He's leaning against the wall, bag hanging off of his arm, and holding something small in his hands. Ciel realizes it's the bag of cookies he gave him at lunch. A grin breaks out onto his face. He hopes they give him at least a bit of happiness, before his thoughts are cut short by Lu dragging him by the arm in the direction of their route home.

 

* * *

 

As they walk past the bike racks, and Lu skips up behind him, reaching for her bag from Ciel's arms, Ciel nudges her. “Lu, guess what?”

She rolls her eyes and he takes no notice. “What is it, Ciel?”

He reaches over and adjusts her bow, to which she sticks out her tongue. “I talked to Raven today. I think he liked the cookies I gave him.”

“How do you know that?” Lu is already starting off ahead of Ciel, and he has to speed walk for a bit to keep up with her. He's grateful they live close enough to walk, but Lu is hard to keep up with at times…

“Well… I saw him eat them after school! He would've just thrown them away if he didn't want them, right?”

Lu turns around and starts walking backwards to face him. It makes Ciel panic a bit. “You know he could've hated the taste or something after actually trying them, right?”

Ciel groans. “Give me some credit, I'm trying my best. Stop walking like that,” he adds, and Lu blows a raspberry at him. (she still turns around, though.)

“Alright, fine, I'll give you this: you _did_ finally go up to him after drooling over him for weeks.”

“Hey!” Ciel yelps. “I was not _drooling_!”

“Whatever, ogling him, is that better?”

Ciel sighs. “In _any_ case, I think… he's just lonely. I'm gonna try to keep talking to him. He always sits alone at lunchーthat can't be very nice.”

“And you're gonna break him out of his shell by talking to him more?” Her tone drips with skepticism.

“That's the idea.”

“Have fun trying, loverboy.”

“Don't call me that!” Ciel cries, hating the way he feels his ears light up. Lu laughs from a bit ahead of him.

It was true that maybe Raven did make his heart beat a bit faster, and he was very handsome, and cool, and… But it didn't mean much, it couldn't! He knew how easy he fell for good-looking guys, (if Lu's constant teasing him for his taste said anythingーbut she didn't even _like_ boys! What did she get to say about his tastes!) it was probably just that.

The rest of the walk home is spent by Lu telling Ciel all about her day, and what Aisha did today in the theater club, and so on and so forth. He was delighted to hear about it, as always.

 

* * *

 

Over the course of the next few days, Ciel takes up a ritual of leaving Lu to her friends at the theater club for lunch, and coming to eat with Raven.

On the first day, Raven seems confused at Ciel's return, but doesn't say anything. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all after his hesitant ‘thank you’ when Ciel hands him another small bag of cookies. Ciel talks at him in bursts about the things he's seen recently, anything fun, about Lu. Raven doesn't respond, but doesn't tell him to leave. Ciel decides to take it as an indication that he just needs to keep trying.

On the second day, Raven raises an eyebrow at him. “Again?”

“Yep!” comes the cheerful reply from Ciel, before sitting down and sliding todays bag to him. “Do you like chocolate? I hope you do, it's in the batch I made today, so… Ah, if you don't like it, then you can just give them back or throw them away.”

Raven pauses before picking up the bag. “No, I… I like it. Thank you.” This time, he opens it right away, and Ciel's eyes light up. He tries to hide how excited it makes him. The look on his face seems more content than usual, and it causes Ciel to be unable to stop smiling for the rest of their lunch period.

On the third day, Raven asks, “What exactly… _is_ your past like, if you think it's comparable to mine?”

Ciel's eyes go wide. Ah… So he actually wanted to know enough to ask him? Well… then he can't exactly deny him, can he?

“I… used to be a really ruthless gang member.”

Raven stares at him. It makes Ciel nervous, his gaze seemed to bore into him. “You? A gang member?”

“Yes. I'm not exactly proud of it, you know. I was pretty depended on in there, _because_ of how ruthless I was. I didn't care who it was we were fighting, or what happened to themーor myself, for that matter.” Shit, he said too much, huh? Raven was giving him an odd look he couldn't read.

Raven turns his stare to todays bag instead. “...I get that.”

Ciel cocks his head. Raven doesn't say anything else, which only makes his curiosity run wild. What did he mean by that? Which part? The ruthlessness, or the not caring what happened to anyone, even himself? Both? ...How many of the rumors about this guy were true…?

Ciel decides to focus on eating for now. The bell rings, Ciel waves goodbye to no response, and another day passes. However, Ciel feels like he's accomplished something today.

The fourth and fifth days pass in similar fashion to the second, with Ciel chattering to Raven about whatever he can find to talk about, although this time around, Raven occasionally responds. At least now he seems amused, and not like he's just putting up with Ciel's presence… Ciel takes it as an improvement.

On the sixth day of this routine, Raven greets him with a rough “Hey.”

Ciel is so startled he forgets to give Raven todays treat. “Yeah?”

“You said… you wanted to know where you could come see me. I volunteer at the kendo club. You… could come by then, if you're not busy.”

Ciel desperately quiets the overjoyed cheer in his head at this. “Sure! I don't usually have anything to do after school other than take care of Lu, so I'll ask her about it.”

Raven hums, and almost shyly turns back to his lunch. Today is another day where Ciel spends his entire lunch period smiling.

 

* * *

 

“Lu!” Ciel calls, running to their usual meeting place for after school. Lu plops down on the bench where they usually sit.

“Someone's excited.”

“Do you have theater today?”

“Well… yeah, why?”

“Raven invited me to come see him at the kendo club.”

“Wait, he _what_?”

“ _I know_!”

“Well, shit, go over there! They're practicing today, go for it!” She says, with a strong shove to Ciel's back.

“Don't swear!” Ciel shouts back before yanking his bag up and running for the direction of the gym.

 

* * *

 

Ciel ends up getting a bit lost on the way to the gym, so he arrives about 10 minutes after they start, (at least, when he _thinks_ they start) to his dismay. He attempts to open the gym door as discreetly as possible, so as not to draw attention to himself. Fortunately for him, it looks like everyone's too busy watching a sparring match between two club members to notice, or care if they did.

So, Ciel decides to get a closer look. He tries to be as quiet as possible as he walks up behind a messy row of club members seated in front of the match.

Now that he's closer he can get a good look at the parties involvedーthough he couldn't tell who they were, what with the heavy gear covering their bodies and the masks over their faces. However, fairly soon after Ciel's been watching long enough to sit down, one of the figures makes a hard strike on the area around the others throat. Loud cheering ensues as the fight stops.

The two involved back down, and one after the other, take off their masks and shake their heads loose.

Ah.

It was Raven, and the redheaded boy he only got to see during his lunch period because of the year difference between them. Elsword, wasn't it? In any caseーRaven was now staring forward, sweat rolling down his forehead and panting lightly. His gaze meets Ciel's for half a moment before he gestures that he's going to take his gear off and wash up.

Ciel takes it upon himself to follow him as far as the locker room and wait outside the door.

His heart beats faster than he's comfortable with as he bunches his bag up to his chest. That was so… _cool_! Now that he knew who was who, he knew it was Raven who delivered the finishing blow. Which, now that he thought about it, was to be expected from someone known to be as strong as him, but _still!_  He finds his ears lighting up again. Geez… he's a mess. He shouldn't be so flustered, he was probably as good with a gun as Raven was with a sword… Was he? He didn't actually have any ideaー

Raven greets him with the same firm ‘hey’ as he had earlier that day, and jolts Ciel out of his thoughts so hard he actually jumps.

“Hey!” Ciel starts, and then slowly realizes something that makes his heart palpitations drop to a dead stop.

This is normal Raven, yes, except this time Raven looks much more comfortable than usual and also _has no goddamn shirt_.

Which, frankly, is just too much to handle all at once. Ciel quickly turns his gaze away. “Uh, you said I could come by to see you. So I. Did that. Sorry if I'm being obtrusive.”

Ciel chances a glance (very pointedly focusing at Ravens face) at him and sees that he's smiling softly at him. Oh, dear god, he was going to die.

“Just as long as you don't get in anyones way, then no one will mind that you're here. Although you might get pestered to join the club.” His smile hasn't faded, and it occurs to Ciel that this is the first time he's seen Raven smile.

He very smartly decides to point this out.

“Hm?” Raven suddenly looks embarrassed. He reaches up to rub the back of his neck. (oh _shit_ the way his muscles move is unreal. were people supposed to look like that? wait, _focus_ ー) “I… guess I feel most at home doing stuff like this.” ( _oh, I can tell, geez, look at you!_ )

“That's really cool!” Ciel blurts out. Ravens eyes widen a bit.

“Huh?” He chuckles lowly. Ciel _really_ hopes he's not blushing. “This isn't something that usually gets that kind of response.”

“No, it really is! I could never use a sword like that… It's amazing.” Is he laying it on too thick? Oh, he hopes Raven doesn't think so.

“Ah… Thank you.” Raven clears his throat, and Ciel wonders if it's out of embarrassment, because if it is, it's _incredibly_ cute. “I'm older and stronger than most of the club members, so they say it's helpful to spar and practice with me.” He pauses, then, “...It feels nice to be able to put what I know about fighting to an actually good use.”

Ciel stares in wonderment. This isー

“This is the first time I've seen you talk so openly.”

Ravens head jerks up to attention. He looks even more embarrassed. “If it's… annoying, I can stop.”

“I like it!” Ciel replies, too quickly for probably the hundredth time. “I like it when you feel comfortable enough to talk to me.” And he smiles, and Raven turns his head away.

“That's… good to hear.” Raven opens his mouth, hesitates. Changes his mind, evidently. “Do you want to stick around and watch? I probably won't be fighting anymore, but I'll still be busy helping.”

Ciel smiles, nods, and cheers inwardly at successfully getting to spend more time with Raven. Then, suddenly, remembers something and urgently starts unzipping a pocket of his bag. “Here!” He says, handing something to Raven, who takes it without really registering what it even is out of surprise.

“I forgot to give it to you earlier.” Ciel says, smiling. Raven gives a clumsy smile in return.

“Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

After a while, Ciel honestly loses count after a certain point of how long it's been, things begin to shut down. Raven comes to Ciel to tell him they were going home soon, and he nods before getting out his phone to text Lu. Raven stares at Ciel's phone (and the plentiful charms hanging off of it) before asking, “What is she like?”

“Hm?” Ciel hums, lifting his head up to look at Raven.

“Your little sister.”

Ciel sputters.

Little… Ah, he meant Lu, didn't he? There was no way he could've known about Terre… He quickly shakes the thoughts away. Wait, he thought Lu was his little sister? Did they really come off that way to others?

“She's not my…” Ciel shakes his head. “She's sweet. Rowdy, but sweet.”

“...Adopted?”

Ciel chuckles. “You could say that.”

Raven fumbles with his hands for a few moments. “It must be nice. Having family you're that close with.”

Ciel cocks his head. “Do you not have anyone?”

Raven winces, and Ciel feels a cold bolt of regret and fear shoot through his chest. “I'd rather not… I guess not, no.”

“Oh, I'm sorry for asking. I didn't think about itー”

“No… that's alright. I brought it on myself.” Raven shakes his head. “You should be heading home. She's probably waiting on you, right?”

Ciel's face softens. “...Yeah.”

Ciel waves goodbye as he opens the door, and for the first time, Raven waves back.

 

* * *

 

After that day, there is a new addition to Ciel's routine. Every other day, when Lu is busy with theater club, he visits the kendo club and watches. He's no good with their swordsーthey hand him one, one day, just for funーand while he isn't _terrible_ with it, it's not the kind of blade he's used to. Now, if he had the kind he _was_ , then…

Well, they didn't need to know about that.

The important part of it was getting to see Raven every time. Over the weeks, he also got closer to the redheaded boy, who he found to be rather friendly. The thought that perhaps he and Lu would get along well passed through his mind, then promptly terrified him with how unruly and difficult to take care of they would be, should they join forces.

Everyone at the club was surprisingly kind. Like Raven had said, as long as he stayed out of their way and didn't interrupt their training, they didn't mind him staying to watch.

It's a cold Thursday when Raven sits down next to him on a bench outside the gym and asks him why he's been so nice.

Ciel shrugs. “I don't get the question.”

“Don't play dumb. No one gets close to me for no reason.”

Ciel furrows his brow. “That doesn't seem right. I don't really have a reason.”

“Do you not, now?”

“Well… I like you. That's a reason, I guess.”

“...That's it?”

“That's it. I like talking to you, and being around you, so I want to be your friend.”

Raven stares for a moment before turning his gaze to the ground. “...Thank you.”

“...Oh, here. I almost forgot!” Ciel digs into his bags pocket, the same one he always does when he comes to see Raven, and takes a small bag out of it.

“...Ciel.” Raven says, firmly enough that it makes Ciel stop mid-movement. He doesn't admit to even himself how his heart skips a beat when Raven says his name.

“Yes?”

“You really don't… have to give me these so often. I'm sure it's troublesome…”

“It really isn't! Unless that's your way of saying you don't like them, in which case you could just say so.”

“N-No, I,” Oh, he stuttered, that's so unbearably cute, “I like them… a lot. I just feel bad taking them all the time without giving you anything back…”

“Oh, hush! It's my pleasure. Really.”  Ciel is fairly certain he's blushing at least lightly, but it felt so _nice_ hearing Raven say he liked his baking! “But, if you really want to pay me back, then… Tell me about yourself.”

“...What?”

“You heard me. No one knows anything about you. You're likeーthis mysterious vigilante. I want to know what Raven Cronwell is really like, not all those bullshit rumors.”

Raven's face scrunches up, looking confused, before he takes on idling with his water bottle and says, “There's nothing to know.”

Ciel pouts, but he knows Raven isn't looking. “I’m _certain_ that's not true.”

“There really isn't. Unless you want to hear stories about gang fights.”

“I do.”

“Alright, now I know you really are just fucking with me.”

“I am not! Honestly! If gang fights are all you're willing to tell me about, then I want to know all about them.”

Raven glowers at him. For a moment, Ciel feels he's done something terribly wrong. Then, Raven simply shakes his head.

“I would've asked if you think I'm a freak by now, but there's no way in hell you're unaware of all the rumors about me. Nobody with any sense would talk to me after hearing them. So, either… you don't believe them, or you haven't got an ounce of sense in you.”

Ciel smiles. “Maybe a bit of both.”

“Has anyone told you you're hopeless?”

“Oh, plenty, don't worry.”

Raven's smile finally returns, and Ciel marks it down as a success. Maybe sometime soon he really will open up a little.

 

* * *

 

Ciel, ever saturated with luck as he is, falls ill the next week.

To be more specific, he gains a particularly bad fever and his gut threatens to upturn itself, and thus stays home. Lu, despite being perfectly healthy, refuses to go anywhere without him, so she stays home as well.

While he's sick, he quickly realizes that this time is just like all the others, in that he will still have to cook and clean. Lu ever so helpfully helps him with this realization by attempting to make breakfast the first day Ciel stays home, and effectively burning the egg yolk into the pan itself. It's _very_ fun to clean up. Lu is once again banned from the kitchen.

He decides to take the time away to go shopping. He’s been saving for a while, after all… Lu, of course, insists upon going with him. They come out of it with new sweaters (matching) and caps (both with fuzzy bobbles on the tips) and Lu whining about her legs hurting, making Ciel carry her home.

Sometimes Ciel wishes they had a car, but he knows he couldn't pay for it all himself, and it was already enough stress having to take care of everything he had at the moment. He makes a note to invest in bikes for Lu and himself, and sticks it with the several hanging up in the kitchen.

Within a week, with the help of plenty of warm meals and medicine, Ciel's fever fades, and he returns to school. Rena gives him his notes in return for sweets, as they usually do, and things go on as normal until lunch.

“Where were you?! Did you get hurt?”

He was expecting _some_ kind of reaction from Raven when he got back, but definitely not _this_.

“Ah… what? No, of course not. I got sick.”

Raven blinks. He then settles back down into his chair and stares holes into the table. “...Right.”

Ciel snickers. “What, did you forget that happens?”

“No.” Raven seems intent on finding a way to bend the table in half with only a glare. “I just… get worried easily. That's it. Besides, you said you were involved with gangs before. I thought, maybe…”

Ah, so that was it. “Raven, don't worry about it. I promise I'm fine.”

Raven only grunts quietly in response, and stays quiet for so long that Ciel assumes the conversation is over. Then, he suddenly raises his head up. “Your… Your phone.”

“My… phone?” Ciel repeats, raising an eyebrow.

“Your number… I could… If you…” Raven's voice gets steadily quieter, and his head falls back down along with it.

Oh. Oh, Raven was asking for his phone number.

_Oh, holy shit._

Ciel decides to act quickly, since Raven seems as if he's about to snap the table into pieces  from the force of his sheer nervous grip. “If you wanna trade numbers, that's fine with me. Could I ask where this came from, though?”

Yeah, Raven was gonna break the table, wasn't he? “If you… get in trouble with anyone bad. You… could… tell me about it. I'd take care of it. That's all.”

Ciel actually snorts out loud, and quickly regrets it. “Are you offering to be my hitman right now?”

“When you say it like _that_ ー!” Raven cries, and Ciel laughs, genuinely this time.

“I doubt I'm going to get into any fights, but I'd be happy to have it just to talk to you,” Ciel says with a smile, opening a new contact and holding out his phone to Raven. The charms jingle. “Here.”

Raven looks from it to Ciel and back again, then pushes his hand away and hands him his own instead. ( _it'_ s _kind of an old brick of a thing, but at least it's a smartphone…?_ ciel thinks to himself.) “Can you… put yours in, instead. I can't…” He clears his throat. “I'm not good with the buttons.”

Ciel breaks out into a lopsided grin. “Yeah?” He says, taking the phone from Raven and pushing his own number into his contacts. (his heart is _not_ speeding up with excitement.)

“ _Yes._  I use voice-to-text, and that… doesn't work on the…” Raven notices Ciel's expression, then, “Don't. I already know I act like an old man.”

Ciel asks for Raven's own number, and he reads it off to him instead of writing it down. “Do you want me to text you when I won't be showing up to school that day so you won't worry?” Ciel asks, lilting his voice in a way that he _thought_ was obviously teasing. Raven doesn't seem to realize.

“There's no need to do that. Just as long as you promise not to get into any fights.”

Ciel's smile hasn't left his face. “You think I couldn't handle it on my own?”

Raven pauses and looks Ciel over seemingly for effect, then looks back to his phone and says, “Of course not.”

Ciel nearly falls over laughing.

“I'm skinny, but I'm not weak, you know!”

“Wanna prove it?” Raven shoots back, tone suddenly very serious. This combined with the smirk now breaking onto his face makes Ciel's heart skip a beat.

“Don't be silly,” Ciel says, then, after mulling over it for a moment, “but don't think I couldn't take you.”

Raven's smile grows, and thus Ciel's does in turn.

It's been a good day.

 

* * *

 

Three more months have passed, and Ciel is finally willing to admit to himself that _maybe_ he has a crush.

Maybe part of the breaking point was dreaming of kissing Raven behind the gym, and waking up feeling hot all over and _incredibly_ embarrassed but not at all _bad_. Maybe part of it was not being able to stop thinking about it for two solid weeks. Maybe part of it was finding himself thinking of it and melting into the fantasy of Raven's warm hands, and warm lips, and how he was ever so slightly shorter, so he'd tilt his head up, andー _fucking hell_.

Of course, Lu would never let him hear the end of it if he did come right out and tell her about it. She'd been teasing him about it ever since he first mentioned Raven's name, but if she knew she was actually _right_? God, she'd torment him for who _knows_ how long.

So, here he was, staring daggers into his phone screen on Saturday morning, ears lit up brightly.

It wasn't like they hadn't been texting each other for what felt like ages. It wasn't like this time was any different. But now, his mind was clouded and foggy with his newfound realization. Everything seemed more complicated, like it had more layers to it than before.

In the time they'd been talking, Ciel had learned that Raven was very bad at studying. He lent more of his time to volunteering with the kendo club or simply slacking off, so he fell behind. Even later, he found out that teachers just didn't accommodate him due to thinking he was just another uncaring delinquent who would refuse to learn. So, Ciel had taken it upon himself to try and fix this. He would invite Raven to come study with him, since he was rather good at it, he thinks.

That is, if he could ever hit send.

It wasn't like it was a big deal, right? He was just going to meet up with Raven to try and figure out a way that he could learn better. Ciel was already basically a member of the kendo club, at this point, so why was this different? No, he knew exactly whyーit was the added layers of having a crush. A _crush_. God, he felt pitiful.

He thinks it over for only one moment more before mashing the send button with decided determination. Said feeling almost immediately melts away when he processes what he's done. He hides under his blanket in an attempt to hide from the messages and their consequences as well.

In a few more minutes, his phone buzzes, and the reality that he really did ask Raven to come to his house sets in. He peeks out of his blanket and picks up his phone.

‘are you sure that's okay? Your sister won't mind?’

Ciel feels like he could die. He forgot about Lu. Somehow, _somehow_ , he forgot about Lu.

‘if she doesnt, she can deal with it. itll be fine, ill make sure she doesnt bother you’

There. That worked, right? It was true, also, right? Lu wouldn't cause _too_ much trouble, would she?

...Of course she would. Oh god, she was going to kill him. Well, if this was happening, he might as well check in with her to make sure it really was okay…

“Hey! Lu!” he calls, and gets a load groan in response from their kitchen. He doesn't pay it much mind (against his better judgement). “Is it alright if someone comes by this weekend?”

He hears a cry of “ _HUH_?” before a faint _thump_ and the soft pattering of her bare feet running into the room. She swings around the doorframe before demanding “ _WHO_?”

“Just a friend of mine.”

“Yeah, and I said _who_? Rena? _Chung_?”

“Well… no…”

“I _know_ it's not Els. You don't have that many friends, who isー” Her face suddenly lights up with devilish glee, and dread sinks into Ciel's stomach.

“Don'tー”

“It's _Raven_!”

“Okay, you gー”

Lu's grin is practically bigger than her face. She skips to Ciel's bedside and hops up and down next to him. “It's Raven, it's Raaaveeen, it's your super mega crush!”

“He is _not_! Stop that!” Ciel feels like he's going to melt.

“I'm right, aren't I? You _wuuuv_ him!”

“Lu, I'm serious! Stop iiit…” Ciel whines, burying himself under his sheets. At least he's smart enough to take his phone under with him, so Lu doesn't snatch it.

“This is your _chance_ , though! Why not take it!”

“It's just for studying…” comes Ciel's voice, muffled through the blankets.

He can almost feel Lu's disappointment. “It's not a date?”

“ _No_!”

She makes a ‘blech’ noise and Ciel hears her patter back into the kitchen. He realizes he should probably make breakfast now. Uncovering himself just enough to not be unbearably hot and suffocated anymore, he chances a glance at his phone again.

‘All right, if you say so. Then I'd be happy to come over’

He promptly buries his face in his pillow and attempts to stifle a yell. It's going to be _fine_.

 

* * *

 

Raven is late. Ciel has no idea why he would be late, as he never wasーsurprisingly enough, being punctual seemed to matter quite a bit to him. (at least, when it came to matters other than schoolーhe still had a tendency to slack off on not being tardy.)

He’s starting to get worried, honestly. Raven wasn’t the type to show up this late without letting him know ahead of time. It’s distressing enough that at approximately twenty-five minutes past when Raven said he’d be at Ciel's door, he decides to go out looking for him. It’s probably not the best idea, but his gut is giving him a really, _really_ bad feeling that he feels he should act on. He grabs a thin jacket and heads out the door.

It’s cool out. Cooler than he expected, and he shivers. Shit, he didn’t actually know where Raven lived, so he didn’t know what direction he’d be coming from… He takes a chance and goes running down the street he usually comes down to get home.

He moves for about five minutes before seeing a gathering of people around the corner of a street, which one, he’s too panicked to notice. He thinks one of them is Raven, but he doesn’t recognize the rest. Needless to say, they don’t exactly look like his friends. He hears someone yell, and sees Raven jumping back, and in that moment, without thinking, he runs up to the group and calls Raven's name.

Raven immediately whips around, eyes wide. He opens his mouth like he was going to say something, then quickly clamps it shut.

Ciel instinctively stands between Raven and the rest of them. He doesn’t know why, at the timeーall he knows is he doesn’t want Raven to get hurt. Sparing them a quick once-over, he registers that there are three of them, each the same height or shorter than him. They’re also… all definitely bigger than he is. Whatever. It didn’t matter right now.

“Oh? Who’s this? Your white knight?”

Raven glares between Ciel and the guy talking to him. “I don’t know him.”

The man scoffs. “Bullshit, he knows _you_. Didn’t think you had any friends.”

Raven scowls, shifting his stance to something more defensive. “Just fuck off already, yeah? I told you, I don’t care about gang business anymore. If you’re gonna stoop so low as to try and fight someone not even _involved_ , then I _especially_ don’t give a shit about whatever you want.”

“Why do you care so much about this twig?” says the man to the right of the one who just spoke, leering at Ciel.

“I don’t. I only care about keeping innocent people out of my business.”

Ciel's heart feels like it’s going to pound out of his chest. So, at least a few of the rumors about Raven were true… Still… Raven… Raven was his friend. And like hell did he want to let these jackasses harass him. “He said fuck off, didn’t he? So fuck off. Leave him alone.” He feels his fist clench, can tell he’s gnawing his lip. That isn’t good, he should know better than to show he’s nervous. But it’s been so long since he was in a real fight...

“What, is this your boyfriend? God, I shouldn’t be surprised you left your gang if you’re aー”

This is when Ciel charges ahead and clocks the guy square in the jaw.

The dickhead, whatever his name is, stumbles back and grimaces, glowering at Ciel. “You want a fuckin’ fight? I’ll try not to break your pretty little face.”

Raven jerks back and stares in shock at the two of them before the front man takes a swing for the same spot Ciel hit on him. Ciel ducks beneath his fist, ramming his own into the mans stomach. He coughs, and the men behind him start, and make to back their leader up. Ciel can’t focus on them right now. He jabs his elbow into the mans chest, and backs up defensively. He barely has time to register it before Raven’s stepped in front of him to block a blow headed for his head. He hears the thick _thud_ of Raven's fist making contact with the man who tried to hit him. It's almost sickening.

Ciel feels fear shoot through his chest at seeing that the only man who hadn’t taken a swing at them yet had apparently taken that time to manifest a knife. He sees the man start to move, and does the only thing he can think ofーgrab the mans wrist the second it’s within his reach. He takes advantage of the mans pause to twist his arm as much as he can, toppling him to the ground. He thinks to stomp on his chest while he’s down, and yanks the mans knife from his loosened grip instead.

He pins the mans arms down with his foot, knee and free hand, and holds the knife to his neck. The look on his face makes Ciel feel sick. He can feel his heartbeat hammering away in his throat. He tries to make it as plainly obvious as possible to the others the position they’re in, and shouts, “If you fuckers wanna see your friend live, then back the hell off _right_ now!”

Doing things like thisーit reminds him enough of how he used to act to terrify him.

Their leader startles when he turns around to see the display Ciel’s put on. Then, he smirks, though his nervousness is visible underneath it. Ciel knows that look. It’s all too familiar. “You really think we’re gonna fall for that bluff? You wouldn’t actually kill someone.”

Ciel can barely hear himself through the thrumming in his ears when he says, “Would I not?”

He knows he must’ve had _that_ face again, because the man gives him a strange, wide-eyed look. “Jesus, okay! Just put the fucking knife down!”

“Are you gonna leave us alone?”

“We’ll go away! I _said_ put the knife down!”

So Ciel stands up, releasing the man underneath him, who scrambles to his feet and away from him almost frantically. Ciel folds the knife and chucks it into the nearest gutter. The men take this opportunity while Ciel’s distracted to make their leave. He notices one rubbing their wrist with a bit of satisfaction.

Ciel takes a deep breath in, a heavy exhale. He notices he’s shaking very hard. He looks to Raven, who’s staring at him in awe. He shakes his head.

“Are you okay?” asks Ciel.

“Jesus Christ,” says Raven.

“What’s wrong.” Ciel asks plainly, and Raven runs his hands over his face and through his hair.

“You just threatened to kill someone.”

Ciel pauses. Breathes deeply again. “Yeah. Haven’t done that in a while.”

Raven sighs, then lets himself fall against the wall of the building next to them. He sinks to the ground. “Fucking hell.”

Ciel hasn’t quite come down from the adrenaline high. “Let’s go home. To my home, I mean. I need to get a look at you.”

Raven looks up at him. “What? I’ll go, but what do you need to do that for?”

“You blocked that guy, didn’t you? I don’t even know what else you did that I didn’t see. I’m gonna get you patched up when we get home.”

“That’s not important. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Yes, I absolutely do. C’mon, let’s go.”

Raven doesn’t protest any further. Instead, he gets up with a grunt and follows Ciel back to his home. The walk back is spent in silence.

 

* * *

 

When Ciel unlocks the door to the house, Lu runs to him and tackles him around the waist, almost sobbing.

“Where were you!? I was so worried! Never do that again, you idiot!” She looks up at him and sees his mussed up face, and buries her head in his stomach once more.

“Lu… it’s okay, I promise. I need to take care of Raven right now, okay?”

Lu sniffles, then pulls herself off of Ciel. She nods slowly. “...Okay.” She doesn’t even seem to care about Raven coming over anymore.

Lu goes to sit on their bed, and Ciel follows, motioning for Raven to do the same.

“You two live all alone in this big house?” Raven asks.

Ciel pauses. “...Yeah. But it’s not technically ours.” He digs around in the bathroom until he remembers where their first aid is, then makes Raven sit on his and Lu's bed with them. Raven doesn’t have time to ask him to elaborate before he demands, “Show me your arm.”

Raven begrudgingly complies. By now, the start of a nasty bruise was beginning to show. Did that guy have some kind of blunt object with him? There’s no way a fist could’ve made a mark like this…

“You don’t have to do this.” Raven says. Ciel shakes his head.

“Yes I do. I’m the reason you came out here.” Ciel looks up to meet Raven's gaze and notices he has a split lip. He curses under his breath and gets up to fetch a cold compress. “Stay there.”

While Ciel is out of the room, Raven glances over to Lu and notices her staring at him with an intensity that could burn holes in his skin. He suddenly feels nervous.

“Why are you coming to see Ciel?”

“Ah, I… It was supposed to be so he could help me study…”

“Hmm… that’s what he said, too, but I don’t believe it.”

“...What?”

“There’s gotta be some other reason you wanted to come over here. Gotta be!”

“Actually… he asked me.”

Lu sits bolt upright. “ _I knew it_!” Raven jumps.

“You knew what?”

At this point, Ciel re-enters the room, carrying an ice pack and sitting back down next to Raven. Lu immediately stops talking. Ciel takes Raven's face in his hands and presses the pack to his lip without preamble. Raven flinches, and refuses to look at Ciel's face while he does so.

“Who were those guys?” Ciel stares intently at Raven. He can wait.

“No one important.”

“They seemed to know you.”

“They didn’t know me, they knew _of_ me.”

“What did they want with you?”

“Probably pissed off I left that life behind, wanted a fight.” He snickers. “Guess they got one.”

Ciel doesn’t respond. Raven's smile fades in favor of a more serious face. He looks Ciel in the eyes for this. “You fought like you’d done that before.”

“Because I have. I told you I used to be in a gang myself, didn’t I?”

Raven hesitates before saying, “I didn’t expect…”

“Right, I look too soft or something.”

“No, not that. Just… You seem to dedicate so much of your time to being kind to others. I didn’t… expect someone with that kind of past to… be as compassionate as you are.”

Ciel breathes deeply to attempt to dissipate the heat rushing to his face. “I mean… I figure it’s the best use of my time.”

He doesn’t say much else, but it suddenly registers that he’s pretty much been holding Raven's face this entire time. He places Raven's hand on the pack so that he can move away from him. Hopefully how embarrassed he is doesn’t show.

“...When I said you threatened to kill someone. What kind of response was ‘Haven’t done that in a while’?”

Lu jumps up onto the bed. “You did  _WHAT_?!”

“Both of you calm down…” He cracks a smile briefly. Then, “I just… didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to actually kill the guy, just, y’knowー”

“Don’t ‘y’know’ me, you really _did_ get into another fight!” Lu cries.

“Don’t say ‘another’ as if it happens frequently…”

Raven clears his throat. “In any case, he _did_ get us out of that situation without any casualties with that threat, empty as it may have been.”

“And _you_!” Lu gets up to jab her finger at Raven, and he jerks back, staring at it in confusion. “You got my Ciel into a fight! He was doing so well, too!” She sits back down again and pouts.

“I… didn’t do it on purpose. Speaking of, Cielー”

Ciel turns to face him. “Hm?”

“I’m… sorry I got you into this mess. I’m assuming we’re not actually going to get any work done tonight after all, are we?”

“Mm, probably not.” The smile returns. “That’s not a problem though, is it?”

Raven chuckles. “I guess it isn’t. We can get it done some other time.”

“You mean, you’d want to come over again?”

Raven shrugs. He’s smiling, still. “Sure, why not. Hopefully I won’t get stabbed next time.” He jokes, but it falls a bit flat, given how neither of them have fully recovered from the fight yet. It’s hard to take the concept lightly, considering how close it came to being a reality tonight.

In an effort to lighten the mood a bit, Ciel offers (nervously), “Since you’re here, and we’re not studying after all, do you want to stay for dinner?” He ignores Lu's incredulous look.

“Ah? I could? That’s okay with you?”

“Of course! I cook for Lu and myself every night anyway, I don’t see why you couldn’t join us.”

Raven's body language turns modest, suddenly. “...Alright. That sounds good.”

 

* * *

 

...Thus, Ciel ends up making curry for dinner, as he’d planned anyway, except a thousand times more nervous than he would’ve been. Maybe it’s leftover nerves from almost being stabbed. Or maybe he’s just anxious about cooking well for Raven. Which, would be ridiculous, of course. Wanting to impress someone and hear them praise you and your cooking and see the contented smile on their face was _ridiculous, and he didn’t feel like that at all._

Cooking for someone else, though… It was a nice feeling. Of course, he did it for Lu all the time, but this felt… different. An image briefly flashes through his head of a domestic lifeーbeing a husband and making dinner for a familyーand he actually smacks himself to clear his head. That was enough of that.

Would he even like this? Well… he supposed if he didnt then he could heat something else up, or… something. Was he willing to go to the effort of making something entirely different on top of this just so he could see Raven happy? God, maybe he was.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Lu has resumed drilling Raven.

“So, you wanna stay? You like him that much?” She asks, still on her hands and knees staring him down on the bed.

Raven blinks. “What?”

“You know what!” She crawls closer, and Raven instinctively scoots back. “You must really like him, ‘cos he really likes you.”

“I mean, I guess I do, but… Wait, what? He does?”

“Yeah, dumbass!” She cries. “He gets all giddy staring at his phone, and I always know it’s you ‘cos he talks about you like you’re the best thing since me afterwards!”

Raven is taken aback. “He… does?”

“Yes! _Augh_! You’re both _impossible_!” She ruffles her own hair, then starts back up again. “When he got sick, and like, every time something happened with you, here he was telling me _all_ about it! He gets so excited when it comes to you!” She pouts. “It’s… nice to see him this happy, actually. But…” She jabs a finger at Raven. “ _Don’t_ think you can make him like _you_ more than _me_!”  

Raven still hasn’t processed that Ciel really likes him that much yet. He looks a bit like a deer in headlights. “Oh…”

Lu hops off of the bed and makes her way to the dining room with no pause whatsoever. Raven, still confused, figures he should probably follow.

Lu situates herself at the table, knowing Ciel well and thus that he’d be done rather soon. Raven, however, feels completely out of his element, and for some reason isn’t entirely sure it’s _okay_ for him to sit down.

That is, until Lu exasperatedly gestures to a chair and he takes the hint. Shortly after, a call of ‘Incoming!’ comes from the direction of the kitchen. Ciel enters, holding two plates with significant differences in the amount of food actually on them. He places them before the two of them. Lu wastes absolutely no time in digging into it like she hadn't eaten in days.

“I'll be right back in just a second.” says Ciel before popping back into the kitchen to plate something for himself. By the time he gets back, Raven still hasn't touched anything.

In fact, Ciel sits down and gets part way through his own and he _still_ hasn't.

“Is it bad?” he asks.

Raven clears his throat. “Is it… really okay?”

Ciel holds back a laugh. “Yes, Raven, I made it for you.” How was this different from the sweets he's been giving him for ages? Still, he couldn't help but wonder why Raven seemed to be constantly unsure if anything he was doing was ‘okay.’

Raven pauses, then finally tries it. Ciel attempts to make it less obvious that he's watching intently for his reaction.

Raven's face lights up, and Ciel can't help his grin. He liked it! _Raven liked his cooking_!

He finds, over the course of the next thirty minutes, and Raven asking shyly if he can have seconds, that he does, in fact, eat like he expected someone that athletic to. It's almost charming. (wait, what? what kind of thing was that to be enamored by? ciel smacks his cheeks when he's out of sight of the others.)

Eventually, he cleans up after the both of them (Raven offering to help, but he insists that he can do it on his own) and then… isn't quite sure what to do.

It's gotten late, by now. Granted, this would probably be when Raven would start heading home if this had actually been a study date as planned… But…

Oh, he didn't want Raven to leave. That was it. That was also so _terribly_ embarrassing. Still, he had to let him go back home. He would get to see him again. It was fine. It was _fine_.

“Isn't it getting kind of late?” He asks, hoping Raven will take it as the intended cue.

Raven hums. “Yeah… I should probably get going.”

Ciel nods. “I worry about you running into any more unsavory types, though…”

“I'll be fine.” Raven chuckles. “Although I... _did_ get lost before.” He admits, somewhat embarrassed.

“Oh, you did? Then do you need help getting home?”

Raven shakes his head. “No, I'll manage.” He pauses. “...Thank you. For everything you've done tonight.”

Ciel gives a soft smile. “It's nothing. Really.”

He spots Lu sticking her tongue out at him from behind Raven. He ignores her.

“...Right, then. Should I come over again some other time?” Raven asks.

Ciel stops a moment to think it over. “You can come over practically any time, as long as you give me a bit of prior notice. So… just call or text me or something whenever.” His heart thuds in his chest at the proposal he's just made. Truthfully, he didn't even really think it over, but he doesn't see any visible objection from Lu.

“...Alright. I'll be seeing you then.” says Raven, slinging his bag over his shoulder and making for the door.

“Yeah, see you soon!” Ciel gives cheerfully.

Raven leaves, Ciel locks the door behind him, and promptly takes a deep breath to groan loudly while slinking with his back against the door.

Lu jumps up. “I can't _believe_ what you just did!” she yells, although her tone isn't angry in the slightest. More impressed.

“Yeah, neither can I. Hey, _hey_ , he liked my cooking! Lu, he liked my cooking!” Ciel suddenly feels all of the giddiness he'd been bottling up this entire time rise up in his chest and through his throat. It leaves him in the form of bubbly laughter.

“You got into a fight! A _fight_! How long has it been since that happened?!”

“God, I don't know, a year? Two? I mean, around three hours now, technically.” He adds, punctuating it with a laugh.

Tonight was the most interesting night he'd had in god knows how long. He felt grateful, even though it hadn't been entirely good.

The rest of the evening is uneventful, with Lu and Ciel chatting about the events of the night, future dinner plans, anything and everything at all.

That night, he dreams about the fight, but this time he wins with more than empty threats. Raven compliments him, not only on his fighting style, but saying he looked pretty doing it, too. They wander the streets for a while and when they get home, Raven stays the night, instead. He wakes up with an image of holding Raven's hand across the bed from him and an entirely red face.

 

* * *

 

A week later, after school, Raven says, “I want to talk,” and Ciel raises his eyebrows at him as he sits down.

“You? Raven Cronwell wants to talk?” He asks, tone archly.

Raven scoffs. “Are you done? I'm serious.”

“Yeah, sorry. What is it?”

Raven lowers his voice. “...About the fight. I never could get a clear answer from you, since Lu was there. You implied you've threatened peoples lives before, and that it was part of gang business.”

Ciel swallows around the newfound lump in his throat. “Er… Yeah. That. I…” He sighs. “I don't like thinking about it too much. Sorry. But…” He pauses, “I trust you. So you deserve an answer. I did do that kind of thing, yeah. I used guns a lot more than knives, though. ...I never actually killed anyone, mind you! But, er… a lot of people did probably end up in the hospital because of me.”

Raven listens intently, then nods. “...I understand.”

“You do.” Ciel says with audible skepticism.

“Yes, actually, I do. Maybe not _exactly_ what you feel or know, that's impossible, but it's not like our rough pasts are all that different.”

It finally clicks in Ciel's mind that this is Raven's way of attempting to comfort him. It's kind of sweet, even if a little stilted.

“...Yeah. It's honestly… nice to know someone else who kinda gets it.” Ciel says, fidgeting with his hands.

Raven, after a moments pause, responds, “It's the same for me, too.”

A thought jumps into Ciel's head, and, perhaps foolishly, he acts on it immediately. “Hey, Raven? Do I make you happy?”

Raven finally turns to look at him, cocking his head. “What kind of question is that?” He asks.

Ciel feels dread fill his throat. “Ah, a stupid one, that's whatーI'm sorry, justー”

“No,” Raven starts, “It’s… yeah, you do.”

“Wait, really?”

“...Yeah. No one else has bothered to get to know me. It… actually means a lot to me.” Raven clears his throat, hiding his face all of a sudden, likely out of embarrassment. How cute…

“That’s good, then. I’m really glad to hear that,” Ciel says, smiling gently at Raven. He knows he can’t see, but he can’t help it anyway.

 

* * *

 

Two months pass. No more fights break out when Raven comes to see Ciel, and they actually make some progress on getting Raven's grades up. He remarks these are the highest he thinks they've ever been, and Ciel glows with pride.

Ciel has also finally made good on his note to get Lu and himself bikes. Lu insists upon hers having a basket and a bell, which Ciel finds unendingly cute. Being able to get around easier is something he found sorely needed now that he could.

He also notes that his crush is only worsening. He gets flustered when Raven's close, and thinks more and more often of doing ridiculously embarrassing things with him. He realizes it's probably finally time to tell Lu.

...Which, he immediately regrets, when she grins back at him looking like she's won the lottery.

“I was _right_!” she _exclaims_ , bouncing on the bed.

Ciel regrets telling her this shortly after waking up. “Yes, you were. Go ahead and get it out of your system.”

“Honestly, how did you think you could hide it? You turned all mushy every time he smiled at you! You acted like he was the best thing since your Phoru plushies! Come on, Ciel!”

Ciel's face turns red. “Is it… really that obvious?”

“ _YES_!”

Ciel runs his hands over his face and through his hair. “Do you think he's noticed?” He asks, voice sounding pitiful.

“Him? Oh, absolutely not. He's about as dense as a brick wall when it comes to emotions.”

Ciel raises an eyebrow at her. “How do you know that?” He asks.

She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. “I just know these things. Plus, I notice more than you do. Obviously,” she adds, “given how you weren't even aware I can practically _see_ your heart eyes around him.”

Ciel groans. “Okay, fair enough.” He admits. “...You didn't tell him anything, did you?”

“Well… maaaybe. Just a little. Like how you act about him, since he's apparently too oblivious to notice.”

Ciel has long since given up on shock with Lu. He skips straight to acceptance at this point. “And he still didn't say anything?”

“Nope. Not a word. In fact, he seemed surprised to hear you even liked him at all. So, like I said, emotionally dense as a brick wall.”

“Wow…” Ciel mutters quietly, before laying down again on his back. Then, after a long moment, “Do you think I have a chance?” He asks, knowing Lu would be brutally honest.

“I mean… _do_ you? If he can ever process that you like him, then maybe.”

Ciel stares up at the ceiling through his fingers. She was actually being gentle about it. Did that mean he really did…? Oh, but… wasn't it selfish to want Raven to return his feelings? It felt like it was… He shouldn't want it so badly, Raven should be able to have his own feelings. But it wasn't like he was forcing him to do anything… God, he didn't understand even his _own_ feelings. How was he supposed to figure out Raven's?

He sighs, and rolls over onto his side. It was Sunday, he’d sleep a little while longer. He already felt exhausted now despite just waking up, anyway.

 

* * *

 

It was going to be graduation time, soon. It felt surreal that it was coming so soon. Wasn’t it only recently that he first came to this school? He only came for his last year… How funny. He did have to transfer for… reasons, but it still felt odd.

Didn’t that also mean prom was soon? He’d heard talk of it occasionally around the school, lately. He wasn’t any good at public school customs. It wasn’t like he’d had much of an education before this, after all… Even if he couldn’t help it. Apparently it was kind of a big deal, but from what he could tell, a schools worth of teenagers crammed into one room together didn’t exactly sound pleasant.

Apparently you took a date, and that was simply an unspoken rule that everyone knew. You took someone you liked or were dating, and danced together, and then spent the rest of the night after the dance on a date. When he looked at it like that, it seemed kind of nice. He could understand the appeal. However, having no one to take on any kind of date, and feeling nauseated at the idea of doing something with Lu that could be misconstrued as romantic, that appeal didn’t exactly apply to him.

...Wait. Wait, no. The thought of taking Raven clouds his thoughts. It seems to want all of his attention, shoving everything else out of the way in favor of the phantom sensation of Raven's hands in his. No, actually, this was awful. He didn’t need this. He vigorously shakes his head as if the act would clear the fog.

Well, maybe… maybe he could bring the dance up to Raven when he next came over. He definitely didn’t seem the type to enjoy social gatherings, but… hey, you miss all the shots you don’t take, right?

So, the next weekend, when Raven comes to knock on his door, he mentally braces himself for what he wants to do.

What he hadn’t prepared for, however, was Raven looking up at him in the middle of a worksheet he had barely paid attention to, and asking, “Are you going to prom?”

Ciel sputters. He instantly hates himself for it. “I mean, probably not. It’s not my kind of thing. How come?”

Raven looks back to the worksheet, though Ciel can tell he’s looking right through it. He taps the pencil against the side of his mouth. It’s something Ciel’s noticed he does often, and hates that he has. “You just… seem like a social person, I don’t know. I’m kind of surprised actually that you don’t like dances.”

Ciel laughs lightly. “Really? I mean… I guess they could be fun, if they were smaller. Or if I knew how to dance.”

Raven looks up again. He has a _terribly_ cute surprised expression. “You don’t?”

“Why are you so shocked!” Ciel is alight in bubbly laughter. “Do I really seem like I’m _that_ suited for it?”

Raven spins the pencil in his fingers. He stares forward at the wall, now. “Well, you do have this… regal air about you.” He pauses, then, “That sounded strange, didn’t it.”

Ciel feels a blush creep onto his face, and immediately tries to smother it. “No, it didn’t. But… really? I’m flattered.” He giggles. Why is he laughing so much? Was it because he was nervous? “What, can _you_ dance?”

“Oh, god no.” Raven snorts. (it’s cute, when he does that. ciel mentally pinches himself.) “I think I’m the least graceful person on the planet.”

“That’s not true.” Ciel blurts out. Raven's gaze turns to him, surprised once more, and he feels ashamed. “I mean, I’ve seen you fight. If that’s any indication, you’re perfectly capable.”

Raven looks shy, suddenly. “...Nah, you’ve got that wrong. My fighting style is all brutal. _You’re_ the one who looks all graceful.”

Ciel blinks once, twice. “Really?” He’s been saying that too much.

Raven is fixed on not returning his look. “...Yeah. You move really fluidly. It’s pretty.”

Ciel is doing a terrible job at pushing down his blush, as it turns out. “Thank you. ...So that’s why you think I’d be good at dancing?”

“Mhmm. I still don’t believe that you’re not.”

“And what’re you gonna do about it?” Ciel questions, raising an eyebrow. He can’t help the amused smile that he takes on.

Raven shrugs. “Dunno. Make you prove it?” He sounds more like he’s questioning himself than making a statement.

Ciel bursts out laughing. “Prove it? How?” It’s then he realizes one of the ways they could go about this, and gets very, very embarrassed. He hopes beyond hope Raven doesn’t notice.

Raven fidgets. “I mean, I _could_ make you dance.”

Ciel's smile refuses to fade. “Make me? How would you _make_ me do something like that?”

“Mm, I guess I couldn’t _make_ you. Maybe I can ask nicely, though.”

Ciel finally registers that any form of schoolwork was long abandoned at this point. It didn’t seem like they were making any progress, anyway. It could wait a bit.

“I mean it, though. I can’t.” His smile grows, however. “You’re awfully stubborn.”

Raven smiles back at him. “I guess so, huh?”

He’s stood up, by now, and seems to be making his way to the other end of the table where Ciel was sitting. What was he trying to…

“So. If I want you to show me that you really can,” he clears his throat, perhaps suddenly realizing how embarrassing the whole scenario is, “will you show me how to dance?” He punctuates the sentence by leaning on the table with one hand and holding the other out to Ciel.

“This is ridiculous,” says Ciel. He hasn’t stopped smiling.

“That’s not an answer.”

“So you’re really gonna make me do this, huh?”

“I can wait.”

Ciel chuckles, and stands up, taking Raven's hand. He tries to ignore how his heart burns at the touch.

“You know I have no idea what I’m doing, right?”

“No, you’re showing me that’s not true.” Raven's tone is almost uncharacteristically smug, or perhaps this was just another side of him Ciel hadn’t yet uncovered. He finds he doesn’t really mind, either way.

“Alright, but don’t blame me if it’s super underwhelming.” Ciel says this, then takes the hand he’s already holding and desperately tries to recall what he knows about dancing. He can only dig up what slow dancing is like.

Well, alright. He raises the hand in his own just slightly above the both of them. Breathing in deep and wishing for all the bravery he can muster, he rests the other on Raven's hip.

“Do the same for me.” He says, with false confidence. Raven merely nods before complying. Ciel feels like he’s going to melt. Come to think of it, this is the most… touchy they’ve been the entire time they’ve known each other. He feels so, _so_ embarrassed.

“I don’t really… know what comes next well. I think in slow dancing you just kind of sway together until the song’s over.” He says with a laugh.

Raven cocks his head somewhat. “That’s all?”

“I mean, I’m sure there’s more to it, but that’s all I can remember.”

Raven closes his eyes. He rocks a bit, and Ciel follows idly. He’s not even sure if this counts as dancing at this point. He just feels the need to mimic him.

“Then let’s make something up.”

“Huh?”

Raven rocks again before stepping back so they have more room to maneuver. “Let’s come up with a new dance.”

Ciel has absolutely no idea where this sudden directness from Raven is coming from. He absolutely does not mind. “...Alright.”

So he goes along with it when Raven attempts to spin him, and giggles when they fail and he stumbles. They try holding both of their hands together in each of their own, and that feels too much like they’re old men. They settle on their original position, spinning around Ciel's kitchen. It feels terribly domestic, and both of them end up embarrassed and break apart. Overall, the whole thing ends up a mess. Neither of them mind, though, too caught up in laughing together over their own screw-ups.

“See! I told you I couldn’t dance.” says a giggling Ciel.

“I’m sure you could if you earnestly tried.” Raven is smiling, and it feels oh-so warm and soft that Ciel's heart skips a beat.

“What’s up with you today?” Ciel asks, somewhat nervously.

“Hm?” Raven makes the same cute confused face. “I… didn’t realize anything was different.”

“Oh, then don’t worry about it.” The smile returns to Ciel's face. Maybe he wasn’t even aware of how he’d been acting. Maybe he was just acting as he always did, but Ciel's heart was exaggerating everything. Maybe Ciel _wanted_ everything to mean more than it really did, somewhere in the depths of himself. He was stopping this train of thought right there.

“You don’t make sense sometimes.” Raven says.

“Do I have to?” Ciel responds, hoping it’s not too evasive or cheesy.

Raven shakes his head, smiling. “No. I don’t understand most people. That’s fine.”

“In that case, if it’s fine with you, I think we should get back to finishing your work so you’re not skinned alive when you get back on Monday.”

Raven seems disappointed when Ciel removes himself from his arms (and Ciel is _not_ going to think about it too much, at least not while Raven was still here.) “Alright.” He says, before getting situated back where he was before. He seems restless now, however, and Ciel can’t help but notice.

“Do you want me to walk you home when we’re done? I can show you around, if you still haven’t gotten a feel for the neighborhood yet.” Ciel offers after a while.

Raven closes his eyes, contemplating. “Actually, if you really don’t mind, then sure. I got lost the first time I came here, and…” He clears his throat. “I haven’t exactly gotten that much better at navigating.”

Ciel smiles softly at him. “Great, then. I don’t know if my bike would fit you, so we can just walk for a while. It’s cool out, too. I love that kind of weather for being out.”

Raven is giving him a look he can’t read. He feels embarrassed despite not being sure why. “What. What’s that face for?”

“Nothing.” Raven says, smiling. “I just like listening to you talk so happily.”

Ah. So that’s why he felt so embarrassed. Ciel avoids looking at Raven. “Oh, hush. Let’s just get done for now.”

 

* * *

 

Ciel opens the door and peeks out of it. He finds it’s much cooler out than it was when he let Raven in earlier. His heart tells him to do something, and he acts on it.

“You might wanna get a coat. Did you bring one?”

“Ah…” Raven instinctively reaches for his bag, then looks back up to Ciel. “No, I didn’t.”

Ciel swallows over the lump in his throat. “Then… Well, hold on. Let me see if one of mine would fit you.”

Raven seems like he’s about to say something, but Ciel passes him heading to his bedroom. He doesn’t think about it. He knows, somewhere in the back of his mind, that his face will start to burn if he does. He grabs an oversized hoodie he bought for the express purpose of being comfortable in how it hung loosely over his slim frame, figuring it would almost certainly work. He slips into a different one that actually fits him, and heads back.

“Here.” He says, offering the hoodie to Raven with a nonchalant shove towards him. Raven takes it somewhat awkwardly.

He hears Raven snort again when he’s not looking. Turning back, Ciel starts to ask what it was, before seeing Raven holding the hoodie out in front of him, observing the front of it.

Ah. He’d forgotten this particular hoodie had a large print of a Phoru on it. A rather squishy looking one at that.

“Do you like those things?” Raven asks, grinning.

“Don’t say a word.” Ciel feels dead. Then, after a moment, “...Do you mind wearing it even if it’s… um, cutesy?”

Raven snickers. “No, not at all. Not the type of thing I’d usually wear, but, hey.” He raises his arms up to put it on, and Ciel doesn’t mind the view this gives him at all. (jeez, he really was built, huh? he smothers the blush before it can manifest.)

...No, actually, that was to no end, because Raven in his clothes was _insufferably_ cute. The hoodie that was far too big for Ciel, despite Raven being slightly shorter, is filled out when on Raven due to his muscles. Not only that, but it’s such a gap from what he usually wore. He wasn’t ever the type to wear anything colorful, but in Ciel's light blue clothes he looks terribly adorable. He hides how giddy it makes him.

“You good now?” Ciel asks.

“Yeah.” Raven follows shortly after Ciel when they leave. Ciel asks where he lives, and Raven rattles off his address. Ciel realizes that he’s in fact a bit familiar with the area, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to get there and back.

Ciel realizes, in the chill of the evening air, that it’s been far too long since he’s simply spent tranquil time with someone like this.

He also realizes that he’s been dead silent, and that Raven is likely wondering what his deal is.

“If I’m remembering right, a good way to get down there is down this way.” He says, figuring Raven would understand he meant the way he was walking.

“Are you going?” asks Raven, as if Ciel had said something entirely different. “To the prom, I mean.”

“Of course not. I have no one to take, and it’s not my thing.”

“Not even your sister?” Raven asks, and Ciel immediately makes such an exaggerated gagging noise that Raven says “Alright, alright, I get it.”

“Why are you so curious? Are _you_ going?”

Ciel glances back at him in time to see Raven mess with his hands. “I… er. I hope you don’t mind me saying this.” (huh?) “I was… considering it. But only if you were planning on going as well.”

Ciel feels his heart jump. “...What?”

“Ah, sorry. I don’t mean anything by itー”

“No, no, I don’t mind at all. It’s sweet, really,” Ciel finds himself saying, words coming out faster than he can think about them. “I wouldn’t mind going with you.” Oh, that made him instantly feel embarrassment heat his face.

“You wouldn’t…?” Maybe Raven's tone sounds hopeful, or maybe Ciel's heart is misconstruing things again.

“I mean…” Ciel scoffs. “I doubt either of us would have a good time there. It’d be weird and gross and awkward, and far too many people… But, I meanーif that _were_ my kind of thing, I’d certainly go with you.” (fantastic job ciel, you’ve never sounded more coherent in your life.)

He hears Raven laugh somewhere behind him. The sound makes his chest feel warm. He decides to focus on the steady beat of Raven's boots on the pavement. “That’s… nice, really. I’m happy to hear it.”

Ciel mulls it over for a second, then, “We could do something else, if you wanted.”

“Like?”

“Well…” Ciel turns a corner, suddenly remembering where he was supposed to be going. “I don’t know. You could come over, and I could cook something way better than whatever cheap confections they’d have at the dance.”

He can hear the amusement lining Raven's tone in his next words. “You’re that confident in your skills?”

Ciel feigns sadness. “You think my cooking is that bad?”

Raven doesn’t seem to catch on to it being feigned. “No, not at all! I was teasing.”

Ciel giggles. “I know that. So, would you be up to it?”

The scuff of Raven's boots. “Sure, why not. I’m sure you’d find some way to make it interesting.”

Ciel can’t help his smile. He idly thinks about how Raven brings this out in him an awful lot. “Oh?”

A pause before his response, this time. “You’ve done that a lot. Make my life more interesting.”

It’s Ciel's turn to not know what to say. He eventually settles on, “...Is that good?”

“Yes, certainly.” comes Raven's answer.

Ciel's smile grows. He finds he can’t stop smiling the entire way to Raven's home.

...He made Raven's life better. Even in some small way, Raven appreciated him. It felt good knowing that he was a positive influence.

Eventually, they arrive at Raven's home, and Raven marks this with an “Oh, this is it.”

Ciel takes the opportunity to look around, given that he’s never been here before, now that he thinks about it. It’s a pretty small place… and come to think of it, this wasn’t a particularly nice part of town, either. It didn’t mean anything to Ciel, especially given his own past and previous living situations, but his mind starts to wander.

“I’d invite you in, but… You probably want to get back by now, huh?” says Raven. Ciel reluctantly nods.

“Yeah. I’d love to come by sometime though, if it’s alright.” His hopefulness likely shows in his tone.

Raven visibly seems to struggle with this concept. Was the prospect of an invitation only a formality? Why was he having so much trouble with the idea?

“...Maybe. I’ll see about it,” he finally gives, and it seems hesitant even still. Ciel feels an urge he can barely resist.

And he doesn’t. He pulls Raven towards him and envelops him in a tight embrace. Raven stiffens in his grip.

“Thank you. For everything.” He mutters, before pulling away with his hands on Raven's shoulders. Raven looks dumbfounded.

“Goodnight then!” Ciel waves, before making for his way back home. He doesn’t hear a response from Raven. He doesn’t really mind this, either.

When he gets home, he buries his face in his hands upon realizing that Raven still has his hoodie. (nevermind the way his train of thought takes fifty different detours thinking about what he’d do with it once _he_ realized, about forty of them impossible. it doesn’t help that how incredibly _warm_ raven was when he hugged him sticks around ever-persistent in his mind.)

 

* * *

 

Two weeks pass, and Ciel texts Raven asking if he wants to have their own “dance” that night. He’s also practicing pretending his heart isn’t threatening to pound out of his chest. He’s gotten rather good at it. Raven responds fairly quickly, saying he was a bit busy at home but he could be there at six.

Alright. Okay. This could work. ...Wait. No, no it couldn’t.

“.....i forgot to actually plan what we were doing.”

“Oh. That’s no problem, we can do anything. I’d be happy just to relax and spend time with you”

Okay. _Okay_. Ciel was _not_ going to think about that sentence any more than was necessary. They were good friends. Of course Raven would enjoy being around him.

...Raven enjoyed being around him. Raven looked forward to it, in fact. He feels himself blush.

“do you wanna try cooking here? we could do it together”

“I can’t cook at all. I can barely make jerky.”

“thats not a problem either! ill teach you”

“That’s awfully nice of you to offer considering I’ll probably ruin your tools.”

“not possible. i wont let you”

“If you’re so confident!”

Ciel chuckles. That kind of tone was new for Raven. Or was he simply loosening up a bit? Either way… He was happy to see it. Today, he relishes the early morning sun and the weekend, taking in all the sunlight like a cat. Lu was still asleep, curled up in their bed safe and sound, which always made Ciel feel secure and at home. (she’s gathering all the blankets around herself in her sleep now that ciel’s up, too, which he finds very cute.)

Today would be a good day. This feeling in his heart made him sure of it.

 

* * *

 

He spends the hours leading up to Raven's arrival incredibly anxious. Lu teases him relentlessly for it.

“What kind of cheesy idea was this?”

“One he liked.”

“ _Still_! What ifー”

“What if _nothing_! Stop worrying!” Lu practically yells, chucking a pillow at him from across the room. He catches it in his hand and tosses it back to her.

“Alright, alright. I just… can’t help it.”

“How come.” asks Lu, although her tone sounds only barely concerned.

“This feels so… domestic! What if it’s weird and he gets uncomfortable?”

“You really are the most hopeless person on the planet.” Lu rolls over in bed onto her back.

“What did I do!”

“It’s going to be fine, and you’re going to get closer, and you’re also going to have to realize that this is definitely a date.”

“It is _not_!”

“It _really_ is! I can’t believe you can’t see that! Just imagine it, like, you’ve got your hands around his waist over the stove, and you’re guiding his hands showing him what to do, and you’re _so_ close, and he’sー”

“If you want me dead you can just _say_ so, Lu!” Ciel cries before burying his face in his hands. Of course, now that Lu’s said this, his mind is fixed on the fantasy. It did seem very pleasant… And that kind of domestic thing was the subject of many (day)dreams as well. ...Gah, this was the _worst_ thing to be thinking about right before Raven got here! He absolutely didn’t want to be thinking about this kind of thing when Raven was actually here.

It wasn’t a date. It wasn’t.

When Raven arrives, he almost feels like his heart is going to burst when he hears the doorbell ring. He really needs to calm down.

Raven seems nervous, which makes Ciel anxious in turn. Had he done something wrong? Had he not been accommodating enough? In any case, he quickly hurries off to the kitchen, as he thought it'd be a good idea to get things started before Raven got there. The jury was still out on whether or not he was right.

Raven follows suit soon after, still nervous-looking. Ciel smiles warmly at him. “Come here. I'll start you simple.”

“Simple?”

“You can make stir fry, right?”

“...Well, maybe.” says Raven, uncertainty in his tone.

Ciel grins. “Let's find out.”

 

* * *

 

Raven does surprisingly well, considering how nervous he seemed. He gets a hang of things relatively quickly, and only needs Ciel to guide his hands a few times. Ciel thinks the way he does things a bit clumsily is charming. (of course he does.) Nothing is burned, and overall they do a good job together.

However, he knows absolutely nothing about plating, so Ciel takes care of that. Raven seems impressed at how he can make anything look nice. Ciel blushes, and brushes it off.

Lu practically sprints into the dining room at Ciel's call for her. It makes Raven smile. (she was always this excited about food. maybe raven had grown fond of her? the thought makes ciel happy.)

Lu chatters about her day, and after a moment, without really thinking about it and more thinking out loud, Ciel speaks up.

“...Would you have had a date if you _had_ gone?”

“Huh?”

“I mean… do you, um, have anyone. That you’re seeing, I mean.” Ciel sputters.

“Of course not.” Raven says, busying himself right after with the food in front of him.

Ciel wrings his hands, then, in a fit of what he would later think of as stupidity, “Are you interested in that kind of thing?”

Raven pauses. Ciel thinks that perhaps he’s finally crossed a line, and now Raven hates him, and…

“I don’t really know. Maybe.” says Raven, not looking up or at Ciel at all. Which makes it all the more distressing, actually, that Ciel can’t tell what kind of expression he’s making. Was he upset?

“Sorry, was that weird?”

“I mean, I don’t get where it came from, but I guess not.”

“It was justー! I was thinking about how you said you would only go if I went. I was wondering if there was anyone else you’d go to it for.”

Raven fidgets, uncharacteristic for him. “...You’re the person I’m closest to, outside of family.”

Ciel can’t stop the blush that rises to his face, now. He feels dizzy, almost. The person he was… closest to? He wasn’t messing with him?

“Really?”

“...Yeah.”

“Gosh, I’m flattered… I’m glad I make you happy, then.” says Ciel, giving the best smile he could while tinted with bashfulness.

He can barely focus on anything else the rest of the night, despite talking with Raven and Lu nearly the entire time. His mind keeps wandering to what the implications of what Raven said could be. (but, he could be overthinking all of it! he could just mean as a friend! but... but…)

In any case, Lu and Raven get into a surprising amount of banter, and it warms Ciel's heart to watch the two of them. The two people he loved most… he loved seeing them happy together.

“I’m surprised you managed to make something that wasn’t completely charred!” Lu smirks. “I didn’t think you were capable.”

Raven appears offended. “I’m _perfectly_ capable. I cook all the time.”

“You told me you could barely make jerky.” Ciel chimes in. Raven catches on his words, and Lu laughs triumphantly.

“Hey, but don’t be too mean, he did manage it in the end.” Ciel says, a bit concerned Raven might actually be hurt by the teasing.

“With your help.”

“Still!”

Ciel glances over to Raven to see how he’s faring, and _oh_ , he’s blushing. How cute…

The conversation continues in a similar happy, sunny manner for the rest of the night. Raven doesn't stop smiling, which Ciel is delighted by. After a while, Ciel puts Lu to bed (which is funny to raven, considering she’s a year older than ciel) and the two of them are alone.

Raven begins to pack up his things. Ciel has a thought.

“Um… Okay. I’m going to ask you something really weird. Is that okay?” Ciel wrings his hands.

Raven snorts. “Sure, I guess.”

“Would you be… interested in me? Like, um. In the way I was talking about earlier.”

“O-Oh.” Raven looks down, embarrassed. “I-Iーwellー”

Ciel feels dread set in. “I mean, that’s a weird question! Sorry. I didn’t really mean itー”

“You didn’t let me answer.”

“...Huh?”

“I didn’t give you an… I…” Raven stares holes into his hands.

“You don’t have to, you know. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, that’s not it, it’s just…” Raven seems to be struggling through his words like thick mud. “...Alright. I’ll leave it alone.”

“R-Right! In any case, shouldn’t you be heading home soon? I worry about you walking home in the dark.”

“Oh, you’re right, huh?” Raven clears his throat and sits up. “I guess I should be going then.” Ciel nods, and walks with him to the door to open it for him.

He smiles when Raven walks out. Or, tries his best to. “See you, then!” Raven waves. Ciel shuts the door, and promptly falls with his back flat against it. How _stupid_ could he be! How absolutely, mind-blowingly _idiotic_! He buries his face in his hands. He wants to cry.

The worst part of it is how Raven never did answer. He didn’t outright say no. He didn’t outright deny it. There was still that glimmer of hope, that tiny possibility that maybe, _maybe_ , Raven returned his feelings, and he despised himself for reaching for it despite everything. It was selfish of him. He was putting Raven through so much unnecessary trouble and discomfort, and for what? That tiny chance? He almost amazed himself with how stupid he could get.

...And maybe he does sink to the floor and start crying. And maybe it wakes Lu up, despite how soft it was, because she always knew. No matter what. She comes to him, wrapping her arms around his curled-up form, keeping still and quiet because she knows that he won’t be able to talk for a while longer.

When he does finally sober up, Ciel tells her why he was crying, and she clicks her tongue.

“You know all that’s not true, right?”

“It _feels_ like it.” He whispers.

“I know it does.” She rubs his back. “Listen. It always feels selfish when you love someone and you’re not sure if they love you back. I mean, I know that. But I promise it’s not. And I promise he’s not mad, and he doesn’t hate you, or anything else bad like that. It’s gonna be okay.”

And so they stay like this for a while, and eventually they drag themselves to bed, and sleep long and heavy.

 

* * *

 

Ciel figures, now that he’s done this, he might as well hammer the last nail into his coffin.

He might as well confess tonight, and what happened would happen. It would either be terrible, and Raven would hate him, which he felt he deserved, or… or…

Well. He feels sick. It wasn’t the time to think about that now. When Raven arrives, he acts like everything is fine as well as he can.

And Ciel waits, and he waits, and he waits, and the courage never comes. It was time for Raven to head home soon, and his heart kept threatening to break out of his chest.

As if on cue, Raven clears his throat.

“Can I tell you something?” He says as he starts to pack his things up into his bag.

“Yeah?” Ciel is slightly nervous. Was it something serious?

Raven pauses in his ministrations, then finishing them more slowly. “It’s… I don’t think I _would_ mind, actually.”

“...Huh?”

Raven blinks. It seems he didn’t realize Ciel wasn’t on the same train of thought as he was. “I mean… It’s about… what you said. The other day. I think I’d, that I’d, ahー” His face reddens.

It takes Ciel a moment. A very, very brief moment. As soon as it passed, his face lights up like a bulb. “Y-You meanー”

Raven isn’t meeting Ciel's gaze. He, in fact, seems to want to make Ciel go away entirely by shrinking into himself. He covers his mouth with the back of his hand. “Maybe.”

“ _Maybe_?”

“ _Hypothetically_!”

“There’s not a hypothetical here! No, wait, what are you trying to say?”

Raven looks like he’s about to melt. “Just forget I said anything.”

“ _Absolutely_ not.”

Raven doesn’t seem to care. He hurriedly shoves the rest of his things into his bag, slings it over his chest, and stands up all in one rushed motion. He seems to be making to leave.

Ciel panics.

He grabs Raven's wrist, and quickly freezes in place upon realizing what he's just done.

“Don’t… go just yet.” He sputters out, and Raven stares back at him with wide eyes.

“I need to, tell you something,” Ciel says, his mind screaming at him to stop, but his gut urging him to just get it all out, to just _say it_. “Um. I-I’m sorry. But I didn’t reallyーI didn’t think you’d, actually… not hate the idea, or hate me for bringing it up, but Iー” he takes a deep breath, feeling himself choke up, “I really, really like you. Ah, I mean,” quieter, now, “I love you, is what I mean.” He swallows hard. “That’s why I asked. It was supposed to be hypothetical, but… butー”

Ciel's grip loosens on Raven's wrist and Raven pulls it back. He stares down at the floor, thinking maybe if he doesn’t look at Raven he won’t have to see his reaction. He won’t have to see the almost certain look of disgust on his face.  He won’t have to deal with the rejection, or the pain, or the loss of his friend, or, orー

“I’ve got to go.” Says Raven, hastily, and he turns so quickly that by the time Ciel looks up he can’t see the expression on his face.

Maybe it’s for the best. Raven leaves out the door, and the silence after it closes feels like it’s pressing on Ciel from all sides. He feels suffocated. He stands completely still, staring at the same place he had been for several minutes, before finally deciding to move to go to bed. He would sleep it off. He would see Raven in the morning. Maybe things would be normal. Maybe he would wake up and this never would have happened; it’d all be a dream.

 

* * *

 

In the morning, he does not see Raven. In fact, he doesn’t see Raven all day, or the day after that, or the day after that. To be completely honest, it’s worrying him a _lot_. He’s not texting him either, and Ciel’s too terrified to try contacting him first. Did he get sick? Or worse, hurt? Did someone unsavory get to him and do something with him? He doesn’t even know what that would imply, but he’s not thinking clearly whatsoever. He can barely focus in any of his classes from stress.

The next day, he gets a text from Raven simply asking if he can visit. Ciel, with shaky fingers, tells him yes, and nothing else. He doesn’t want to assume, he doesn’t want to do anything to ruin this chance.

He spends the rest of his day anxiously tapping his fingers, worrying his lip. Raven never did say _when_ he was coming, and he was too scared to ask. He would just wait. He would wait, no matter how long it took.

When Lu wakes up when she would normally join him at breakfast, she stands in the doorway and blocks his path. “You’re gonna tell me what’s going on. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

Ciel swallows thickly. “Alright. But when we get home, okay?”

Lu pouts. “Fine.”

 

* * *

 

The instant they get home, Lu corners him with, “Alright, spit it out already!”

Ciel feels like he’s going to be sick. All he can think about is Raven coming by later. “I told Raven I love him.”

“You _WHAT_?!”

Ciel bears no reaction. “I haven’t seen him for three days. Today he texted me asking if he could come visit. I told him yes, and now I’m just… waiting.”

“When?!”

“Didn’t say.”

Lu furrows her brow. “Geez… I can’t believe you did all that and didn’t tell me any of it.”

“To be honest, none of it has felt real. I’m sorry.”

“No, dummy, don’t be sorry! I’m actually really worried about _both_ of you now…”

Ciel's hands haven’t stopped moving. It’ll be fine. Everything was going to be fine. He just had to wait, and… what happened would happen.

But, one thing… “Lu?”

“Hm?”

“Can you… let us be alone, when he comes?”

Lu's face softens. “...Yeah.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later there’s a knock on the door, and Ciel almost has a heart attack. He doesn’t want to turn the knob. He doesn’t want to open the door and see the boy on the other side. But he knows that he has to.

So he does, and refuses to look. He stares at the ground, hoping it’ll make this less painful. Raven walks in, and situates himself on the living room couch. Ciel remembers nights he’s strewn himself across it, legs up and casual, reciting something or other from a textbook to him. Now, he sits almost rigidly, like he’s at an official event. Ciel rolls whether it’s okay for him to do so or not around in his head a bit before sitting down next to him.

Raven wrings his hands. “I’m… sorry, first of all.” He starts. Ciel starts to say ‘don’t be,’ but Raven keeps going before he can.

His words are careful and practiced, more so than anything Ciel’s ever heard from him. “I’m sorry for just up and disappearing. I couldn’t… face you while I was sorting out my thoughts. And now that I’ve done that, I wanted to… to come to you, personally, not somewhere crowded. And… And...

I’m not, upset. I think,” and at this point he seems to choke on his words, as if they’re attempting to throttle him on the way up. “I think I… I think that I, also…” He mutters, slowly fading out. Ciel feels like he’s dreaming.

“You also what?” He asks, so softly he can barely hear himself.

“Feel… the way you do,” Raven chokes out.

Ciel bunches up his hands into fists in his lap, and then, in a fit of bravery, flings himself around Raven, hugging him close to himself.

“I’m… so happy. I’m so happy to hear that,” He says, voice gentle as it’s ever been. He feels like he’s going to cry.

“You are…?” Raven's hands clumsily come to Ciel's back, trying to mimic what the other is doing. He succeeds in hovering them over Ciel and not actually touching him.

“Of course I am, silly!” Ciel cries, feeling all of his bottled up emotions spill out in tears brimming in his eyes and laughter. He feels Raven's hands slowly settle. His heart feels like a hummingbird. (a very happy one.)

“Does… this mean…” Raven mutters. Ciel cocks his head when he pulls himself away from Raven a bit.

“Does this mean what?”

“That… you're my…” Raven's voice is barely audible, his knuckles coming to cover his mouth out of embarrassment, and Ciel finally realizes what he means.

“Oh! Oh… gosh, I. If you want to be,” he decides on. “...Do you?” he adds, after a moment of uncertainty.

“Y… Yes. I think I would like that.” Raven mumbles, and Ciel feels like his heart could burst. He must be dreaming, right? Right?

Out of curiosity, he asks, “How long?”

“Hm?”

“How long… have you felt this way about me?”

Raven blinks. “I'm… not really sure.” He pauses, thinking, then, “...This is very embarrassing.” Ciel simply laughs. “I think… for a while. I'm not sure exactly when it started, just… that thinking about it, I realized that was how you made me feel.”

Ciel's heart swells seeing how genuine Raven is being. He wants to squish his cheeks and ruffle his hair in pride. ...Actually…

“If this is how it is now, then… may I try something?”

“...Depends on what it is,” comes Raven's pensive answer.

“I wanna kiss your cheek.”

Ciel very much enjoys how Raven's face lights up at hearing this. He takes a moment to collect himself, then, slowly, nods, hiding his face. Ciel smiles, and pecks his cheek, loving how warm he is. Loving that this must certainly be real. Loving everything that is _Raven_.

Raven clears his throat. “How long… did you?” He asks.

“How long did I…? Oh, god, I…” Ciel laughs nervously. “Maybe for the better part of this year? It… took me a while to even admit I had a crush.” He says, laughter turning to a mix of anxiety and actual joy. He couldn't feel _too_ anxious. Not while he was leaning against Raven like this. Not while he was this happy.

“...I see…” says Raven, wringing his hands. Ciel gently places his own over them in an attempt to soothe him. Raven looks up at him, stares for a moment with wide shining eyes. Ciel almost catches what he's thinking before he presses a soft kiss to Ciel's own cheek.

Ciel squeaks. Raven grins, for the first time tonight.

“How many times have you thought about that?” He asks, teasingly.

Ciel hums. “Well, usually I'm the one kissing _you_.” He states. He then realizes what he just said, and feels as if he could disintegrate right then and there.

“Oh…” Raven whispers, grin turning to a small ‘o’ and an embarrassed look.

Ciel breaks the silence. “Do… you want to stay here tonight?”

Raven looks up in surprise. “That's alright with you?”

“I wouldn't offer if it wasn't. And, I guess, if it's okay with your family.”

Raven shrugs. “They don't care what I do. It'll be fine.”

Ciel feels a bit concerned, but smiles anyway. “Alright. …Mind sharing my bed?”

Raven blushes further. “Isn't that a bit…”

Ciel laughs. “Don't worry, Lu does too. She'll make plenty sure you don't feel too close for comfort.”

Raven gives a lopsided smile, and Ciel nearly melts. He's just so _cute_.

When they make their way to the bedroom, Lu is waiting.

“Thank you for keeping your promise,” Ciel whispers. Lu just nods.

Raven looks between Ciel and Lu, gets about a fourth of the way through taking his shirt off, then decides against it. Ciel snorts.

“What, what's wrong? It's nothing I've never seen before.”

“Well… No, butー”

Lu blows a very loud raspberry at him. “I don’t care about your abs! Just take your damn shirt off already.”

Ignoring Ciel's cry of _Lu!_ and Lu herself, really, Raven does just that. Ciel assumed he must be used to sleeping shirtless, which was fine, but… He swallows thickly looking at him. No, this was actually _more_ than fine. Ciel changes himself, but into pajamas (he notes raven doesn't comment on the phoru pattern on them, this time) instead of even _less_ clothing. Lu had gotten into her nightgown before Raven and Ciel had even entered the room.

Ciel shuffles into bed, everything feeling fine until he feels Raven slip in front of him. (wow, he's really warm…) At which point, his heart starts drumming faster, and… Oh, no…

This is promptly broken by Lu worming her way between them, almost defensively snuggling into Ciel's arms as if she lives there. It takes everything Ciel has not to laugh.

They fall asleep there, as comfortable as could be, like this is how things were meant to be. Ciel thinks that perhaps this is true.

 

* * *

 

When they wake up, Lu has somehow found her way out from between the two of them, and has hogged every possible blanket to where she is. Ciel wakes from the feeling of the cold air, and Raven soon after from all the movement.

They get up, and Ciel makes breakfast, only barely noting that they’re all getting up at eight o’clock in the morning on a Saturday, and not caring at all. Lu refuses to leave bed until Ciel’s done, and Raven insists on helping. (he burns the eggs. ciel laughs, despite raven's claims of ‘I didn’t know they cooked that fast!’)

Everything feels good. It feels like home.

Over breakfast, Raven suggests, “...I want to take you on a date.”

Both Lu and Ciel are shocked. Lu just happens to show it by getting up on her knees in her chair and yelling.

“Y-Yeah?” Ciel says, nervously. He silently begs Lu to sit down again. She refuses, also silently.

“I’ve wanted to for a while, I think.” Hesitance fills his voice, as if he feels he’s not allowed to say it.

“Where to?”

“...I haven’t gotten that far yet.” Raven admits. Ciel breaks out into a smile that he’s sure must look ridiculous.

“Then I can help you decide.”

“Alright… Then where?” Raven says to the table. Ciel's smile doesn’t fade. He hums.

“Let’s go somewhere really cheesy, like a place people go in dumb romance movies or novels. Like… an aquarium, maybe.”

When Ciel looks up at Raven, he’s facing him this time, and his eyes look close to sparkling. _Oh god, that’s cute_. “...Really?”

He sounds like a child. Oh, Ciel's heart was going to burst. “Yes, really. I think I know one relatively nearby. I could probably make it on my bike.”

“That would be good. Really good. I, uh… I’ve never been to one before.” Raven confesses.

“Wait, really?” say Lu and Ciel in near unison. Raven blinks in surprise.

“Is it that surprising?” he asks. “I’ve just never gotten the chance… and I never knew there _was_ one in town.”

“Let’s go, then!” Ciel says. Raven just seemed so _happy_ when Ciel suggested it, there was no way he could say no…

“But, when?”

Ciel spins his fork in his fingers. He didn’t actually remember when it was openー

“Go next weekend. I’m pretty sure there’s a couples’ discount on weekends.” Lu chimes in, not looking up from her food and popping more in her mouth once finished speaking.

Ciel blinks. Well, that settled that, didn’t it? He turns back to Raven to affirm this with him, only to find he was blushing.

“Raven? Something wrong?”

“N… Nothing. Just…” He clears his throat. “ _Couples_ ’…”

Ciel finds himself blushing as well. Ah… Yeah, it was really embarrassing to think of them as a couple, wasn’t it…? After all, they’d only just decided this last night… But they really were a couple now, weren’t they? He covers his mouth slightly, grinning. A couple…

“Can you two get a _ROOM_?” Lu yells.

Ciel breaks out into a fit of giggling, and then bursting into full on laughter. She really didn’t care about the mood at all, did she?

After he settles down, Ciel says, “Alright, then… maybe sometime in the afternoon next Saturday? Is that okay?”

“Of course.” says Raven, who Ciel notices is smiling. He wants to kiss him when he looks like  this. His blush only worsens when he realizes that now he _can_.

“Alright, it’s settled then! We’ll go on,” he starts, then chokes on his words. Our first date. Our first date. The words threatened to smother him. _Our first date_! “...O-Our first date.”

“...Right.” Raven stares pointedly down at the table.

Lu pipes up again. “Are you two _done_? Do I have to babysit you while you’re there?”  

“ _No_! Have some sympathy, Lu!” Ciel cries. She simply blows a raspberry at him.

“It’s not _my_ fault you guys are in the most ridiculous case of puppy love I’ve ever seen.”

“ _Lu_!”

Raven interrupts the two by laughing. They both turn to look at him, watching his eyes crinkle and face light up. They’re both dumbstruck. _God, I’m in love with him_ , is all Ciel can think.

 

* * *

 

A week later, Ciel calls Raven an hour before three o’clock to make sure he’s ready. Raven gives him a steady and amused “I’m pretty sure that’s the fifth time you’ve asked me that.” Ciel feels rather embarrassed. They end up meeting at two-thirty instead of three just because Ciel is so impatient (and anxious.)

Ciel spots Raven leaning against the wall, hood up, and races over to him.

“Hey! There you are!” he says, unable to contain his excitement. He yanks Raven's hood down upon getting to him. “Don’t do that. No one will be able to see how cute you are.”

Raven stares at him for a moment. “...I’m not cute.” is what he eventually settles on.

“Nonsense, you’re adorable.” Ciel says with a smile.

“...You really think so?” Raven asks quietly.

“Oh my _god_ , how can you act like that and still ask me that? _Yes_!”

“If anything… you’re the cute one.” He points out Ciel's hat. “...Look at you.”

Ciel beams. “Is it cute? I got it with Lu a while back. We should go clothes shopping with you sometime.”

Raven attempts to hide his face. Ciel's smile only grows. He nudges Raven's hand with his own, and Raven's head jolts up in surprise. He offers his smile to him, and Raven takes it in his own, and wraps their hands together.

It’s in this moment that Ciel repeats to himself internally for what must be the hundred thousandth time in the past week, ‘ _Raven is my boyfriend! I have a boyfriend, and it’s Raven_!’ in disbelief. His heart feels fluttering and full of light. Everything feels _right_. Raven's hand feels so perfect in his own, and he never wants to let it go.

“Do you wanna go in now?” He asks. Raven nods. Ciel thinks it over for a moment, and punctuates his ‘Alright’ with a kiss on Raven's cheek. He adores the way Raven gasps softly.

When Ciel buys their tickets, he doesn’t let go of Raven's hand. The clerk gives them a bit of an odd look at his mention of their being a couple, but doesn’t say anything. He looks back to Raven once they have their tickets and squeezes his hand.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Of course. I’m… excited,” he admits. Ciel doesn’t think he’s smiled this much in years.

They make their way inside, and Raven almost immediately becomes visibly more excited.

“Is it what you expected?”

“It’s _huge_.” Raven says under his breath. Ciel giggles.

“They tend to be, yes.” Oh, man, he was going to die when he saw the tanks, wasn’t he? “C’mon, let me show you the good part.”

“The good part…?”

“Don’t worry about it!” Ciel grins, tugging at Raven's hand. “Just c’mon.”

Raven follows him by the hand deeper into the building, and when the blue light falls on him, he gasps. Ciel is delighted.

“There are so many…” he mutters. Ciel only watches the fish with him for a few minutes. As silly as he feels thinking it, he’d rather be looking at Raven. Especially right now. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen him this happy.

“Aren’t there? You’ve really never been to an aquarium before, have you…” Ciel chuckles.

“I didn’t grow up here. Only moved here a few years ago. Where I lived before… it was a smaller town, I never would’ve dreamed of having a place like this anywhere nearby.” Raven's tone is almost wistful, and Ciel is completely enamored in his voice.

“Are you happy to be here now?”

“Of course,” Raven says, not missing a beat. He’s still staring up at the tanks. Ciel watches his gaze follow a particularly big and colorful fish. His heart feels so, _so_ warm. “And… I’m especially happy to be here with you.” He adds, mumbling slightly. It was always so cute how shy he was, but what he was saying struck Ciel even harder than that.

“I’m so glad,” Ciel says, feeling breathless. This had to be a dream or something, right? There’s no way someone like him could be allowed to live in such a happy moment. Raven gasps, and makes a cute little ‘o’ with his mouth, squeezing Ciel's hand and pointing out another fish to him, and he’s reminded that this is real. This is real, and he’s with the boy he loves, happier than he’s ever been. Happier than he thought was possible for him.

Most importantly, though, he was overjoyed seeing Raven so happy. Not to mention how cute he looked…

Seeing him now, the tanks’ blue light cast upon his face, the sparkle in his eyes and the joy on his face… Seeing him so incredibly happy…

He wants to kiss him. He _really_ wants to kiss him.

He doesn’t care if people end up staring at them like he usually did. In this moment, he felt wrapped up in Raven's presence, like they were the only two people in the world. Maybe he was being overdramatic. Maybe this was all just because he was so happy that this was real. He didn’t really care about that, either.

He gently taps Raven's shoulder to knock him out of his trance. Raven turns his face to look at him, and Ciel catches his lips in a kiss.

Ah, they were just as soft as he’s always thought they’d be…

He can feel Raven tense against him, and when he relaxes. He feels it when his hand comes up to Ciel's chest, feels it when his heart starts racing as he does. He doesn’t want this moment to end.

When they break away, Ciel sees that Raven's face is flushed, eyes big and expression soft and gentle. God, he really looks wonderful. Ciel peppers that face with more kisses, on the side of his mouth, his cheeks, his nose, until Raven pushes him away with hardly any force behind it, giggling.

“Stop that, we’re in public,” he says, despite his grin.

“Are you saying it’d be okay if we weren’t?”

“Ah… Well…” Raven mumbles. Ciel notices that his ears are red, and that he still loves it just as much as he always has.

“Then I’ll be sure to do it plenty when we’re alone… darling.” He adds emphasis to the last part, tone teasing.

Raven sputters, hand coming down on Ciel's chest in a playful thump. Ciel can’t help when he starts snorting. (although he quickly stifles it when he remembers they’re in a place that’s supposed to be quiet.)

“Too much?”

“You’re _trying_ to kill me.”

Ciel grins. “I would never.”

Raven's head comes to rest against Ciel's shoulder, and they watch the tanks together. After a moment, Raven speaks up.

“Ciel,” he starts. His voice is quiet.

“Yes?”

“Your eyes. They’re…” He stops, trying to collect himself, “In this light… I really like them.”

Ciel fakes a pout. “You don’t usually like them?”

“That’s not what I meant and you _know_ it!” Raven shoots back. Ciel giggles.

“Then what _did_ you mean?”

Raven's hand wraps tighter around Ciel's. “I mean… that when I see you like this… you’re really beautiful, is all.” he mumbles.

Ciel's heart skips a beat. “You’re prettier, you know.”

“You’re messing with me. I’m not _pretty_.”

“You are!”

“I’m covered in scars. I’ve got a scary face.”

“They’re charming. Who told you that?”

Raven doesn’t answer. Ciel leaves it alone. He knows better than to probe.

They spend another hour or two in the aquarium, taking their time walking around, letting Raven see everything there is to see. He never stops being fascinated by what’s around him. It’s incredibly charming. They never once let go of each others hands.

Ciel asks if Raven’s eaten lunch yet, and he admits that he hasn’t eaten at all today. Ciel immediately takes near offense to this, and insists they go out to eat, and that he pays.

“That’s really alright?”

“Of course it is. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

“...Okay. Where are we going?”

“That’ll be a surprise. My favorite place, does that sound good?”

Curiosity shines in Raven's eyes. It’s cute. “...Alright. I figure any place you love that much must be good.”

Ciel smiles. “It will be, I promise.”

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, Ciel's favorite restaurant is a cutesy, family-owned cafe that Raven’s never heard of, in a place he’s never heard of. Surprisingly, they don’t take too long to make it there, which makes him wonder how he could never have been around here before.

The way Ciel talks to the woman behind the counter is strongly indicative of his having been here many times before. At least enough to have gotten personally familiar with the people who work there. Which was true, certainly. Ciel waves Raven over, and he obliges.

“Raven, this is Maria!” he beams, and the woman named ‘Maria’ smiles just as brightly at him.

“Ah… Hello, Maria.” he says, awkwardly. Maria looks like a cat who just got into the milk.

“Ciel was telling me about you. Really, he’s told me about you a _lot_ ー” she whispers the last part, and is interrupted by Ciel loudly clearing his throat. She just giggles. “ _Anyway_ , I take it you want the usual?” she says, redirecting her attention to Ciel. He nods. “And your man?” Ciel swats her arm, gently enough to be very obviously playful, and she almost cackles. “Really, though, what does he like?”

He turns to Raven. “You said you liked chocolate, right?” When Raven nods, he turns back to Maria. “You know that chocolate cake Lu likes? I think that’d be good.” and Maria nods.

“You guys gonna eat real food, or are you here just for dessert?” she says, and Ciel shakes his head.

“You didn’t let me finish. Whatever’s the special today, that’d work.”

“You’re really gonna let us surprise you like that?”

“Of course! I know you wouldn’t do anything terrible to me.” The last part is emphasized in such a way that Raven looks visibly concerned. Both of the people in front of him crack up.

“It’s fine, Raven. You can go ahead and sit down anywhere.” It was a quiet time of day, so it wasn’t like they had to worry about seats. Raven looks a bit confused, but he finds a table anyway. Ciel hopes he doesn’t catch Marias whisper of “ _I can’t believe you two finally got together!_ ” and Ciel's following yelp of “ _Maria!_ ” by the time he gets situated.

After they catch up for a bit, Ciel finds Raven again. “Isn’t this place cute?” he asks.

“I mean… I’m not much one for cute things, but… yes, it is.”

Ciel pouts. “Do you not like it?”

“No, I do.” Raven smiles. “It’s really not surprising this is the kind of place you like.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you wear Phoru pajamas.”

Ciel hears Maria snort from somewhere behind the counter. He blushes. “Alright, you jerk. I get it.” he says, though his tone is far too light for the words to have any malice behind them.

“By the way… where’s Lu?”

“She’s spending the day with her friends from theater club.” Ciel shrugs off his bag and lets it fall onto the floor by his chair.

“She’ll really be okay on her own?”

“She’s not on her own, for one thing, and she’s nineteen years old, for another. She’s gonna be fine,” Ciel snorts. He takes it Raven’s never had a sibling. He sighs, letting his elbows rest on the table and his face in his hands. “Raven, you worry so much. Relax a little.”

“I’m… very relaxed. I’m _incredibly_ relaxed.”

“You haven’t stopped fidgeting since we got in here.”

“ _I am very relaxed._ ” Raven repeats. It seems more like he’s trying to convince himself than Ciel.

Ciel takes Raven's hands in his own. “Raven? It’s going to be okay. Say it back at me.”

Raven looks embarrassed, to say the least. However, he does as he’s told anyway. “It’s… going to be okay.”

“See?” says Ciel with a smile. It was a silly thing, he knew this, but it worked. Speaking things into existence, and all. He and Lu did it with each other at times. He takes this moment to address what he wants to talk about.

“Are you happy? Like this, with me?” he asks, voice quiet.

Raven looks almost shocked. Of course, Ciel thinks, it was a stupid question, wasn’t it…

“Yes… of course I am.” he responds. “I… I’m sorry if I don’t seem like it.” His voice quiets, “I think… I’ve loved you for a long time. I was just scared, is all.”

“Scared…?”

“...Do you remember me telling you about Seris?”

“Ah…” Ciel catches on to Raven's meaning. “It’ll be okay. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to either of us, okay?” he punctuates this by squeezing Raven's hand. Raven gains a small smile.

“Yes… I trust you.” he says, and Ciel feels like his heart is melting.

“I love you,” says Ciel. It occurs to him it’s the first time he’s said it since they confessed to each other. The first time he’s ever said it to Raven.

Raven flushes. Staring down at their hands, he repeats, “I… I love you too.”

Ciel's heart beats like a hummingbird, but he’s happy. He’s so, so happy. He thinks this might be the best day of his life, and then that maybe every day would feel like this if he was with Raven.

Maria arrives a while later at their table, giving Ciel something he apparently got often when he came here, and Raven something thick and with plenty of meat, since ‘that’s the kind of thing he looks like he likes.’ Ciel snorts, and Raven is simply confused.

“Is she wrong?” Ciel asks. Raven shakes his head.

“No, but…” he furrows his brow. “I don’t know if I like what it implies.”

Ciel laughs, kisses his hand. “It doesn’t imply anything. Don’t worry about it.”

Raven takes on his own unique form of a ‘pout,’ but doesn’t say anything else about it.

They end up spending much longer there than either of them intended, simply because they get caught up in talking and laughing with each other. Maria eventually tells them that it’s closing time, since they close earlier than most, and Ciel offers to walk Raven home.

When they get there, Ciel doesn’t want to leave. He wraps Raven up in a tight hug he hopes will last the rest of the night, and this time, Raven squeezes back. They stay like this, caught up in each other, for how long, both of them forget and neither of them care.

Ciel, still with arms tight around Raven's back, nuzzled into his neck, says, “I love you, Raven” softer than he thinks he’s ever said anything.

Raven smiles, bringing his hands up Ciel's back and to the back of his neck. “I love you too, Ciel.” his tone is soft, but Ciel feels like he could cry at the feeling behind the words.

This time, it’s Raven who kisses him. Ciel lets himself melt into his hold, lets them meld together and be warm and happy and sappy.

“I hope we can always be like this,” he says.

“I know we will, somehow,” Raven tells him. Ciel believes down to his very core that he’s right.

They trade ‘goodnight’s, and one more kiss, and each go home with the same thoughts in their minds; of how they’re happy to be alive, of how they’re happy to live in such a wonderful life.

Things will be good. No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to ao3 for having awful html formatting and making me go through this entire thing fixing the italics. shoutout also to my boyfriend for telling me to put an entire stir fry recipe in this fic. i almost did it. legitimate shoutout to everyone who encouraged me while writing this and my beta readers. i love you i dont know what id do without you.  
> also, you can read some notes/fun facts/headcanons about this au [here](https://longingfreesia.tumblr.com/private/181884947027/tumblr_pl3fwxRGRK1wxuzgs). it should explain some things that were kind of vague/implied that i wasnt able to explain in the fic itself. or dont, if youd rather these things remain vague and fill them in with your imagination :~)  
> thanks for reading. i just think theyre in love and thats great


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